Keeping Him
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: It was a lifetime of sorrows, of worry, of love, and even though the Winter Soldier didn't know who the man was that didn't stop him from worrying about him, loving his smile, the way it lit up his entire face as his eyes crinkled at the corners... Continued inside. Lifetime sequel.


Steve/Bucky

Summary: It was a lifetime of sorrows, of worry, of love, and even though the Winter Soldier didn't know who the man was that didn't stop him from worrying about him, loving his smile, the way it lit up his entire face as his eyes crinkled at the corners, and it didn't stop him from mourning the death that he knew had taken him from him. He couldn't even remember what his name had been. But he would take the few memories he had over the blankness he had started with.

**Sequel to Lifetime , you might want to read that first.**

* * *

The Winter Soldier woke up for the first time, his first mission. He completed his task, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the scene.

The woman was dead, she had died instantly but the man, the man managed to crawl out of the wreckage that lay in the ditch along the deserted road, The Soldier crouched as he watched the man find the strength to push himself up to his knees and the man looked at him in slight horror and amazingly enough relief.

"Bucky... oh, god, Bucky!" The man said before coughing, "You're alive, I can't believe it. Steve, oh, god Steve, Steve's dead, he died thinking you died."

The Soldier looked at the dying man, he did not understand why the man was telling him this, it felt important, the name sounded familiar but The Winter Soldier knew that the man was lying; he had to be because Steve couldn't be dead.

Brown eyes watched the man struggle towards him and The Soldier made no move to help him, brown eyes going to the headlights that were coming down the road.

The man from the wreckage frowned as The Soldier stood, "Bucky, Bucky, don't leave, please, don't..."

Two men exited the car and they both frowned at him, "Why is he still alive?"

The Soldier said nothing as he stood at attention, gazing into the darkness beyond the car, though there was little he could see through the rain that was pouring down around them.

The gunshot that sounded behind him would haunt his nights, for what reason The Soldier wouldn't know but this night would be his last failure, he made that promise to himself.

The Winter Soldier let himself be guided to the car and once they were driving back the way it had come The Soldier couldn't help but look back at the scene, 'He knew me.' he thought, 'he called me Bucky. He knew me.'

But he would never get the chance to say this to his handlers.

* * *

The Winter Soldier woke; he had a new mission, 'Train her.'

Her, the red haired little girl who cried because she just wanted to do ballet. The Soldier didn't know ballet but a voice came to the forefront of his mine, who it belonged to he couldn't remember, 'So, fighting is like dancing only deadlier.' Then there was laughing and it warmed The Soldier to recall it.

So he taught himself ballet, then he taught her how to do it, once he did that he taught her how to use it to make people hurt, the first time he made her use it she had cried, she didn't want to hurt anybody.

The Winter Soldier took pity on her because the voice was back, 'I don't like bullies, I don't care where they're from.' And his hand was the one that killed their target.

He was punished for it, they made her watch, they made him punish her, she would never dance like she used to, her ballet would never be for pleasure, it could only be her weapon now.

"Get out if you can, you can be better." The Winter Soldier whispered to her as quietly as he could. He never saw her again, he could only hope that she had managed where he would always fail.

The Winter Soldier slept.

* * *

"But I knew him." He said quietly.

They took him from him again.

* * *

He couldn't let him die, not his Stevie, not that little boy that had given him half his cookie, shared his Lollies.

He dragged him out of the Potomac and left him there, he couldn't stay he wasn't Bucky anymore, and until he could find that person that he used to be he didn't deserve Steve, couldn't bring himself to dangle who he used to be, who he'd allowed himself to become in front of the other.

* * *

Steve woke slowly and the voice that he heard was not the one he expected or the one he had hoped it would be.

Still, Steve turned to Sam and he smiled a little at the man. The man explained that they had found him on the edge of the water, whoever had rescued him was long gone and no one had seen who it was.

Steve listened quietly, "I know who it was."

"What?" Natasha said, looking at him from where she and Sam had been speculating on who would have been close enough to get to him in time.

"I know who saved me." Steve said again.

"Alright." Sam said, humoring Steve, "Who?"

"Bucky."

"Who?" Natasha asked, confused.

"You know him as The Winter Soldier, I knew him when he was Bucky." Steve explained.

"So, we're going to go find the guy who just tried to kill us?" Sam asked, "When do we start?"

Steve shook his head, "When he's ready he'll come home. He'll come home."

* * *

James entered the hospital silently, it was very late and the only people that were wandering around were the nurses and doctors on duty. James walked through the hall confidently, a clipboard under his right arm, his left in the pocket of his white lab coat that he had 'borrowed' from the locker room.

He entered the room he was looking for quietly and stood at the end of the man's bed for a long moment. It felt familiar to be here on this side of things, to be visiting Steve in the hospital.

James shook his head and moved to the bedside table near the window, farthest from the door, he moved the flowers from the red haired woman, the dancer who could no longer dance, and placed them on the windowsill, then he placed the Bucky-Bear he had found in a Captain America Merchandise store that was bringing back the old things that had been sold when they were still at war.

James had thought about getting the Howling Commandogs that seemed to be part of the Cap' and Bucky Bear set but decided against it for now, he couldn't remember them, they were faceless at the moment and James knew when he remembered them he'd send the one he remembered to Steve, for the moment all he could give him was a Bucky he could keep because he couldn't stay.

James set the Bear on the table where the flowers had been, Steve would see it first thing when he woke and know he wasn't gone for good.

* * *

Steve blinked awake and frowned slightly, the flowers Natasha had brought had been moved, at first he thought one of the doctors or nurses had moved them until he noticed the Bucky Bear that hadn't been there when he had gone to sleep.

Steve lifted the Bear gently and smiled, his eye caught on the scrap of paper that had been underneath the Bear.

~Just like old times, right Stevie?

Love that you never once thought to be scared of me.

Love you,

James.

P.S. I'm not Bucky yet, but I'm going to find him and come back to you, 'cause you never left me. With you 'til the end of the line, promise.~

Steve was smiling when the rest of the Avengers made their way into his hospital room, the Bucky Bear sitting on the nightstand where he had found it, the letter had found its place next to the one that Bucky had first written him so long ago, and Steve couldn't wait for the letter that told him that Bucky was finally coming home to him.


End file.
